


Good Guy

by agnosias



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Modern AU, One-Sided Attraction, Sort Of, There’s some plot but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:42:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26726122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agnosias/pseuds/agnosias
Summary: “I need you to stay with me,” Kagami’s voice is unnaturally quiet, he thinks, and he curses himself for the waver. Need. He feels as if he does need it, but it sounds so desperate coming out of his mouth. “Please. Just...for tonight.”
Relationships: Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Izuna (mentioned), Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Kagami
Comments: 8
Kudos: 40





	Good Guy

**Author's Note:**

> I’ll start by saying writing is not exactly my forte, but I had some thoughts I needed to get out. I wasn’t in a good place when I started this, so it doesn’t end well. I’m sorry in advance! Sometimes you just need a little sadness to spice things up
> 
> Title inspired by Good Guy - Julia Jacklin

Whatever succession of events compelled him to kiss the man in front of him, Kagami wasn’t entirely sure. Perhaps he could put the blame on the rush of confidence after having one too many drinks, or maybe it was the embarrassing kind of excitement he got from the nature of Tobirama’s visit. He can feel the man take in a small breath before speaking, a breath that was very likely to precede reluctance to the current situation. 

“Please,” Kagami can hear himself against his lips, but he doesn’t entirely feel in control of anything. His voice doesn’t sound quite right. The tension in the air is off. It’s almost like he’s a bystander silently watching his body ruin everything he’s worked towards from the other side of the crosswalk like an oncoming accident. When he casually invited Tobirama over, he never intended for any of this to happen; frankly, he’s becoming more and more appalled at this unfolding development in the worst way possible. 

_Don’t tell him_. 

He can feel Tobirama still when he touches his arms. 

“I need you to stay with me,” Kagami’s voice is unnaturally quiet, he thinks, and he curses himself for the waver. Need. He feels as if he _does_ need it, but it sounds so desperate coming out of his mouth. “Please. Just...for tonight.” Kagami pauses to swallow, hoping that this is the end of his confession but unfortunately he can feel the rest of his thoughts swelling up in his throat. “If you give me a chance, I can show you what it feels like… to be adored… wholeheartedly.” 

_I will show you exactly how much you mean to me_. But that was too much to admit. 

Initially when Kagami proposed the idea of spending the evening together, he did it with a good conscience. Izuna recently ended his long-standing partnership with Tobirama—if you could even call it that in the first place. They fought and split up so frequently that none of their mutual friends were entirely sure there were reciprocated feelings at all. 

It was because of this that Kagami was often at the receiving end of Tobirama’s grief. Not that he minded, of course—in fact, he even enjoyed things being this way. Tobirama is not the kind of man who easily expresses his feelings, _especially_ when said feelings were emotionally charged. Tobirama is straightforward and sharp to a fault. This (along with tension from his relatives and a heavy workload to keep himself busy) forces him to internalize almost all of his problems. It took Kagami years to coax him out of his comfort zone to open up to him. 

The first time they spoke like this, he told him he couldn’t feel anything anymore. Perhaps he even thought it was normal. But he could see the relief in Tobirama’s eyes when he was finally allowed to unfold himself, like Kagami was tugging away the strings that were tied too tightly around his heart. Each time he learned a new thing about him. And each time, he found himself growing shamefully more attached to him. Kagami knew it wasn’t good. There were so many things that needed to be considered before touching on the idea of a romantic relationship between the two of them. 

Tobirama is nearly a decade older than him. He already has his life together. He’s long finished college and started his career while Kagami is still struggling to make ends meet with an underpaid service job while he finishes his degree. He decided to settle down with Izuna. Being the most glaring problem of all—his current involvement, which, although technically was on the fence at the current moment, is still relevant. There were many times Tobirama has told him how deeply his affection runs for Izuna, and every time he could feel his chest tighten uncomfortably. 

_I always wanted it to be me_. 

Kagami thinks if he looks at him now, he can no longer pretend this situation isn’t happening. Which, when he finally spares a glance at him, proves to be entirely true. Tobirama’s expression is virtually unreadable; perhaps the only thing he can glean from it is the pensiveness, to which Kagami is grateful. He wouldn’t know what to do if he had angered him. He isn’t afraid of him by any means, but he _is_ afraid of losing him over something so trivial as this.

_But it isn’t trivial at all._

He isn’t sure if time is even moving anymore, it’s been so long since he stopped talking. 

He can see a twitch in Tobirama’s lip and he’s startled when it pulls up to a smile, followed by a laugh on his exhale. “So show me.” 

His voice makes Kagami’s heart nearly jump out of his chest. _So show me_. He doesn’t know how they ended up in his bedroom or when exactly they started kissing again, but all he can really process are the lips hot against his neck and the lower garments on his body quickly being discarded at the door. It’s Tobirama’s back that hits the bed first, hands finding the hem of his shirt with a little tug. 

Kagami stops him. “Leave my shirt on,” his voice is soft against his lips, breathless, and Tobirama answers him with another kiss—all tongue and teeth clicking with the haste of their actions, parting his lips and erupting a low growl from his throat that Kagami can feel rumbling into his own chest. If he showed him everything, he’s not really sure if his heart could handle it. 

_I want to give you all of myself, but I can’t._

He knows this is wrong. That every kiss he should be rejecting is burning reminders into his skin, and even after his mouth has moved on he can still feel it there. He knows it will be hell trying to forget this, but his sense is as abandoned as the clothes on his floor. Kagami has always wanted this. He’s not strong enough for the self control required to put an end to it, and even though he knows, _knows_ he needs to push Tobirama off of him, his hands are grabbing at his hair, helping his shirt over his head and pulling him closer instead. 

While Kagami is cursing himself for actions he can’t entirely control, Tobirama’s hands are anything but idle. Kagami can feel his fingers brushing up against the back of his thighs, leaving his flesh raised behind in their trail. They touch at every part of him he’s ever dreamed, clawing, squeezing, each time quickening his breath. 

Straddling his thighs now, Kagami wastes no time fumbling open the buckle of his belt. Kagami holds himself up against his knees so Tobirama can lift his hips up off the bed, pushing his pants down just a little—enough so he can free himself. Seeing him here like this...Kagami can feel how dry his mouth has become when he finally swallows. 

_This is all I’ve ever wanted, why does it feel so awful?_

In his head, Kagami has always pictured this moment happening differently. In his head, Kagami confesses his love for him through a tearful exchange or some soft whisper while their faces are inches apart, and Tobirama gives it right back to him with relief clear in his intent. _“I feel it too, but I didn’t know if I could allow myself to.”_ Even now, as silly as it sounds, Kagami is hoping he’ll say it. He knows he shouldn’t wait on something that will never happen.

Kagami imagined if and when they ever did end up in this situation he would spend hours pleasing Tobirama, drawing breaths out of him, figuring out every little touch he would enjoy. Hours have already been spent just daydreaming about these kinds of things, what use would they be if they went to waste? Kagami swallows again. 

Things aren’t like he imagined them, though. It’s real this time. The way he’s sitting in his lap, feeling the sting leftover from fingernails dragging over his thighs, the way he can already tell how hard Tobirama is, it’s all real. 

They’ve skipped everything else, the parts of Kagami’s imagination that he’s spent the most time thinking about. When Kagami slides his lower half down Tobirama’s length, he notices his skin is slick and wonders when exactly he had the time to grab the lube from his drawer. He was too busy overthinking.

Kagami’s hands tighten against his shoulders when he’s fully seated in his lap. It feels too hot, too thick and uncomfortable between his legs but he’ll be damned if he stops now. It might have been a little more bearable if there had been some sort of preparation before this, though he knows there’s no room for something like that. When he hears Tobirama’s gasp, he forgets all about it. 

_I want to hear you again_.

Nothing else matters. Listening to the reward of his efforts washes away all the discomfort and regret and fills him with confidence instead, the desire to make Tobirama feel whole—even if it means _he_ can never feel whole again. Kagami starts to rock his hips against his lap in an attempt to elicit another sound from him, tilting his head back when he starts to enjoy himself. The air is filled with heavy breaths from both sides and the gentle slap of skin every time Kagami brings himself down against him. 

Tobirama’s fingers are bearing into him and he knows there will be bruises in the morning. More reminders, more things he will have to worry about later. Right now none of it matters.

When they kiss again, it’s surprisingly soft. Tobirama wraps an arm around his waist to keep him close, using his free hand to guide their faces together by the edge of his jaw until their lips are just barely touching. Kagami can feel his irregular breaths against his mouth, then the heat when he catches his upper lip in an uncharacteristically haphazard way. It makes him shiver. 

“You like this,” Tobirama considers, moving his fingers from his jaw into a hold in his hair. He shifts his hips upwards to meet his rhythm, pleased when it garners a moan from Kagami’s throat. 

“Yes,” Kagami’s voice is breathless when he speaks, surprised that he could say anything at all. He thinks he should say more than that. He thinks he should tell him he doesn’t like this, but the truth is he actually loves it—in some sick, masochistic sort of way, he loves every bit of it. Even the ache in his chest is tolerable as long as he knows it’s Tobirama’s hands that are on his body and no one else’s, as long as he can pretend the pain will all be worth something in the end. He can feel his grip tightening against his shoulders again, tilting his head to the side with another moan when Tobirama takes control over him. 

He’s not expecting it when Tobirama flips their positions. Now that Kagami is lying on his back he can let his muscles relax, if only for a moment, before he’s reeling back towards the feeling of Tobirama between his legs. He notices the motion of his hips is becoming more erratic, and with it his breathing follows suit. He watches a little bead of sweat form on Tobirama’s collar before he closes his eyes, letting himself slip completely.

Kagami is murmuring against his lips the next time they kiss. “Just like that, please, please, please...” 

Tobirama moves his hand from his hair so he can brush his fingers over Kagami’s neck instead, pressing his thumb lightly into the front of his throat to see if he’ll allow it. Kagami will, of course, allow him to do whatever he wants.

He’s surprised again when he likes it. Kagami starts to feel a little lightheaded eventually with the lack of oxygen, though he doesn’t make him stop. He reaches up—not to pry—only to hold onto Tobirama’s fingers around his neck, hoping he can feel every hitched breath and shaky moan through his grip. It’s overwhelming. 

“Tell me to stop if you don’t like it. I don’t want to hurt you.” He hates himself when his heart leaps. 

_You are hurting me. But it’s alright, because I…_

Kagami’s brow draws together with a choked sort of sound, arching his back into Tobirama’s chest with his release. He finds that everything afterwards feels messy, dirty, and perhaps worst of all: unsatisfying. Not because of their actions; he can still feel a pleasant buzz from all over his body, no, the dissatisfaction comes from deep within him. The fear of their intimacy being over. 

They lie together quietly for what seems like hours, Kagami thinks. It could have been longer than that. Years. However, when he looks at the clock on his nightstand again he sees that it’s only been a few minutes since the last time he looked, and he wonders if any of this even happened. He wonders if maybe it wasn’t so real after all. 

“Thank you.” Kagami’s voice is softer than he intends for it to be. Honestly, he never planned to say anything.

Tobirama lets out a laugh and for whatever reason, it eases all of the tension growing under his skin. “‘Thank you’? You’re thanking me for fucking you?” 

It’s Kagami’s turn to laugh. “I suppose I am…I didn’t really know what else to say.” 

“You could say whatever you’re really thinking,” Tobirama slides his hand into the back of his hair again, leaning forward so he can press his lips to his forehead. It’s unusual, he thinks. How soft Tobirama can be when they’re alone together. 

It’s silent again. 

_I shouldn’t tell you anything at all_. 

“I love you,” Kagami decides. It’s not a question and there is no hesitation in his voice when he says it—it’s matter-of-fact, deliberate and ultimately true. He feels like he’s been holding his breath this entire time, finally allowed to let the air inside his lungs. The pain is gone. After such a long time, he can be free of this burden.

Tobirama kisses his forehead again, resting there for a moment before moving over to kiss his temple instead. “I know,” he pauses, closing his eyes when his brow draws together. “I know you do.” 

This time Kagami isn’t surprised. Only curious as to when exactly Tobirama became aware of this secret of his. It’s not as if Kagami is an obvious sort of person, he thought at the very least he had kept it to himself well enough. He should have expected it. Kagami isn’t the only one who is observant of others, Tobirama might even be worse about it. 

He wants to ask him when he figured it out, but decides against it. 

Tobirama brushes their faces together, moving his hand to hold his cheek instead. “You are so special to me, you know. I hope you know that. I don’t think I could ever properly articulate my feelings towards you…” Kagami can hear him swallow. He’s aware that Tobirama much prefers actions over words, so he isn’t going to get the heartfelt speech that he’s been dreaming about all this time; yet, his chest tightens when he hears him speak. Tobirama meets his eyes as he shakes him just once, making sure he’s paying attention. As if Kagami was ever faltering. “I want to tell you everything I love about you. Every little thing I notice. I want you to realize how much you really mean to me, because I don’t think you have any idea at all.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Kagami reaches up to hold onto his fingers again, hoping he never lets go. 

“Because you have to hear it. And I have to be the one to tell you. You have been so warm and accepting all this time, not once have I ever felt anything less than adored. Earlier...when you said you wanted me to know what it feels like...” he shakes his head. “I already know. I see it every time I’m with you. _Every_ time.” 

Kagami thinks he might let out a sob when he realizes there’s a “but” deeply woven into his tone. It’s coming. Somehow he keeps it down. 

“Please don’t say it. Please just let me have this.” Kagami brushes their faces together, trying to make himself as close as possible to the older man beside him as if he could, by doing so, meld their bodies into one intrinsic being so he would never have to worry about him leaving this bed. 

Tobirama says nothing. Instead, he pulls Kagami into his arms and kisses him again—this time, perhaps the worst of all. 

“But I can’t do this again.”

Kagami closes his eyes. He’s prepared himself for those exact words from the moment they crossed the threshold of the door; with every piece of discarded clothing, every kiss to his neck, every scratch and bruise and careless whisper in his ear, he prepared himself. Even with every silly fantasy he conjured up in his head he created a scenario similar to this, just so he would be alright if it ever happened. So he would know what to say. He knew Tobirama would never admit he loved him, let alone _stay_ here with him. Every part of him was screaming not to let him do it because he knew this would happen. It doesn’t hurt any less. In fact, he thinks, it hurts even more hearing it out loud. He can’t pretend any longer: it’s real this time. 

_If I hold on tight enough, you can’t leave. So please don’t go._

Kagami loosens his grip on Tobirama’s shirt, kissing him back whenever he feels his lips graze past his own. For whatever reason he stays, at least until Kagami has already fallen asleep. He’s not sure why he did it. Or if it made him feel any better. All he knew was he had to stay awake as long as he could, taking in all the affection he was allowed before he could never have it again. 

When he wakes up, Tobirama is gone. His clothes are no longer on the floor, and there’s not even an indent in the bed where he was lying just hours before. Kagami finds himself staring at the spot anyways. He might have thought it was all just a dream, and he might have been glad if it were—but the smell of him lingers like a suggestion against his sheets, and that’s how he knows it really happened. 

He finds himself wondering what he’ll tell Izuna. Maybe he won’t tell him what happened between them at all. 

It’s probably for the best. Not just for Tobirama’s relationship, but for Kagami’s well-being. It would be in both of their interests to forget that this encounter ever happened.

Kagami brushes his fingers over a sore spot on his hip, pressing into it so he can feel the sting. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Although I don’t usually write fic, I've been enjoying this pairing a lot lately! I didn’t really proof this so I hope it was intelligible


End file.
